You have a great run of a new habit. For several weeks, you’re exercising daily or finally writing that book. The phone habit that swallows so much of your free time is held at bay. Dare you hope that this routine will stick this time. That this time is different, and you’re a changed creation. For a moment, the path to success- to accomplishing some dream- seems possible. But then you hit The Bump. Maybe it’s a family emergency. Or a shake up at work. Or you buy a house that takes up all your bandwidth for a while. Whatever The Bump is, it manages to shove you off course. The good habits fall off and the bad habits triumphantly return.
Without realizing it, you slide back to where you used to be before you made so much progress. When you finally become aware of it, it seems too late. Here you are, back at the beginning. Even worse, that spark of energy and inspiration that launched you to change last time is gone. The ideas aren’t new anymore- they’ve lost their novelty. Two weeks ago, you had momentum and could feel the new ideas taking root and transforming you. But now, the wheels have stopped and you’re faced with inertia- and with a choice. Do you sink deeper into the mud? Or can you get yourself going again?
Losing Steam
Of course, this is about me. But I know I’m not that unique and that this problem faces everyone at some point. We find an exciting idea of a life well lived and try to implement it. With the wind at our backs, we make great strides. Then life happens and we lose our progress. We continue from the beginning until another idea comes along. For me, I’ve seen the difference it makes when I break away from bad phone habits for a while. I can feel how much more focused I am and my ability to concentrate increases. After I finished reading Someday is Today, I was locked in on some of the exercises- like utilizing every 10 minutes. And suddenly I was getting a lot of little chores done- Marisa was thrilled. But then the new house took over my life. I soldiered through during that first week of May- when I posted a weekly record of 4 posts. But it wasn’t sustainable. I couldn’t keep up the pace of writing and working on the house and living. Even just normal work, family life, and working on the house was burning me out. Instead of using the state of chaos to solidify the new habits that I was trying to form- I let it drag me back to the old habits that weren’t serving me well.
How to Get Started Again
The problem is motivation. When something is new and exciting, there’s plenty of motivation to give it a go. But after disruption, getting that motivation back is the challenge. Two concepts that I’ve learned about address this issue in different ways- Cal Newport’s concept of the Deep Life and BJ Fogg’s Tiny Habits.
The idea behind the Deep Life is that you come up with an extremely detailed, personalized version of the life well lived. Then you design habits that set you off towards that vision. These habits should be nontrivial and require some commitment, but are attainable. Motivation comes from this internal vision of living your idea of a good life. Habits that don’t support the vision are easier to cut out because you can see that they’re dragging you away from your vision. This process can be applied to family life, hobbies, religion/contemplation, and career. Part of the appeal for me is that I get to dream and write lists.
Tiny Habits comes from behavioral psychologist BJ Fogg. Some students of his used his research to create the most addictive tech/apps on the planet, so you know that he knows something about habits. Fogg theorizes that every habit falls on a scale, where the x-axis is difficulty, and the y-axis is motivation. Basically, the harder a task is, the more motivation we need to get it done. So if you want to build a good habit of exercise, don’t start with daily, 3 hour workouts. Start by having yourself do a single push up and build from there. Decreasing the requirements for a habit makes it easier to accomplish. As the habit becomes more ingrained, it becomes easier to add to it.
Make a Simple, but Concrete Plan
For me, having a plan makes the whole difference. If I go into my free time with a vague idea of what I want to do, I’m more likely to do nothing. I need a concrete plan. My plan needs to say “edit and publish blog post x” and “complete maintenance chore y.” The energy required to figure out what to do in the moment is an unnecessary hurdle. It seems silly, since it doesn’t take a lot to decide what I should do. But when I’m tired, not having a plan opens the door to the path of least resistance. Having a concrete plan removes the psychological barrier because I’ve already decided. It’s extra effective when the plan supports my Deep Life plan. Even though any one night of progress isn’t going to make the difference, the summation of a year’s worth of good progress nights does.
Take Action
Taking action on these requires introspection. Coming up with your version of a life well lived isn’t quick. For me, it took a lot of quiet time by myself- often on my commute- thinking about what my real lifestyle priorities are. Even after putting the time into it, it’s still easy to lose sight of the vision through the chaos of life. Hence why I have to write this post. Creating this vision is vital though. If you’re devoid of an ideal lifestyle destination, it’s easy to just drift and do what everyone else is doing. Then one day you’ll wake up and realize that you should have been doing things differently decades ago. The vision makes it easier to deliberately plan habits that propel us towards it. And in moments when it’s hard to get started again, it provides the jolt that we need.
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